Extinction Up Ahead

SPOILERS AHEAD!
The following article contains some spoilers that might upset you. Please stop reading if you don’t want to be spoiled, you spoiled brat!

From the words of Piolo Pascual in his latest flick, Starting Over Again, I’d like to sum up the whole movie with— “I deserved an explanation. I deserved an acceptable reason!”

The movie lacks character development, has overused and plenty of unnecessary scenes, forced humor and poor narration.

Transformers Producer (TP): Let’s make a Transformer sequel!
Michael Bay (MB): Ah-yeah! Let’s make it bigger than the last one!
TP: Can we have more explosives?
MB: Let’s blow-up cities! Let’s blow-up China!
TP: How about more villains?
MB: Sure thing. Let’s bring outsider aliens. Let’s say, bounty-hunters! Plus a revived Megatron!
TP: Did I already mentioned more explosives?
MB: Yup. Lemme see… Let’s add Mark Wahlberg for some action!
TP: Cool! Did we left out Megan Fox already?
MB: Sadly, yeah. She’s with the Turtles now. Don’t worry, I’ll add some tentacle rape scene for sexual inuendo.
TP: Will we reach our Return of Investment?
MB: No worries! Let’s do some product placements. I’m excited to see Mark drinking Bud Light. And Oreos! I love Oreos!
TP: Oh! Please don’t forget the new robots?
MB: Of course! We’ve had Autobots, Decepticons and Constructicons in the past. Oh! Let’s add those dinosaur thingies! That would look awesome!
TP: You mean, Dinobots? How about the story?
MB: Let’s not worry about that now. I have a handful of ideas to add on the sequel. I’m already thinking of TF5!

There’s a lot of dumb moments in the movie. Example of which is on the scene with the big magnet, attracting all metals around the area. With just one blow from Optimus, why did they have to let it destroy almost half of the city? Why not blast it off once it was initiated?

Then there’s this scene where Optimus was impaled with his own sword, oh we’ve seen that (almost) and Megatron’s falling back  in Revenge of the Fallen. Nostalgic it is.

There’s a lot of chasing! The action sequences with Wahlberg are under-utilized not until the last part of the movie. The tongue-in-cheek humor is getting worse by the minute.

The narration is a bit inconsistent— a roller-coaster. First quarter is a bit slow, then slowly building up on the second, then down, then building up again as if it force you to swallow all what’s going on the movie leaving you to puke it all up in the end.

No doubt that it features badass CG imagery, but the lack of coherent narration and storyline perhaps, cannot save the movie.

Paramount Pictures already promised Transformers 5 in 2016. Senior Vice President Edward Ryan predicted that Transformers 4 will be the biggest movie of the season. Let’s see about that.

If this will be the future of Transformers post-LeBeouf, I guess the franchise’s extinction is drawing near.

My rating: ★★☆☆☆

 

P.S. If you’re expecting to see Grimlock the soonest, please lower your expectations as the rest of the Dinobots will be appearing on the last 20 minutes or so of the movie. And poor Ratchet. 😦

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